Our Own Path

Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The past two, almost three, years have been indescribable. In many ways, the person I was prior to 2009 is long gone. My entire life I thought I always knew what my life would look like and where I'd be at this point in time. Many of my friends have that very life, or so it seems. I've watched them get married, have babies, buy a house, go on vacations, play soccer mom, all on my timeline.

What I've realized is that their timeline is not my timeline. Their lives are not my life. That's bothered me so much over the past two years. The hurt, the pain, the fact that everything that happened to us is so unfair. Even after getting "the call" I kept finding myself hurting over the same things - belly pictures, ultrasounds, anything at all related to babies.

Then, this morning something happened. My husband made a comment to me last night that must have traveled through every part of me over night. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, that our entire relationship has been anything but normal from day one, yet here we are, better people, with wonderful friends and family, a home of our own, good jobs, and soon-to-be parents.

How true! I agreed with him at the time, but I don't think it really sunk in until this morning. We have "fought" for everything we have today - our marriage, our lives, our daughter, our sanity (lol). We were thrown head first into the fire and have emerged relatively unscathed. Sure, there are some lingering scars we can't hide, but everything is so much sweeter on the other side.

Nothing has been easy for us, but we always push forward, even when one of us would rather bury ourselves under the covers and never leave the house. So why would we assume becoming a family would be any easier? It's almost laughable at this point. This is our story. Our lives. Our path. It's not our friends' stories. And that's ok.

This morning I'm thankful for where we are, even if we had to crawl through fire to get here. I'm thankful we have the chance to become a three-person, one-dog family. I accept that we have to do everything the hard way. LOL I know I'll still have my moments of grief, and I can't ignore the occasional PTSD symptoms that continue to pop up,  but today I'm happy, truly happy for the first time in a long time.

 

7 comments

  1. belle from beauty from ashesSeptember 25, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) much love!!!!!

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  2. I apologize if you've addressed this already but...are you continuing TTC?

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  3. No, not at the moment. However, it's not off the table. Maybe early next year.

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  4. Sometimes we are presented with the right words just when we are ready to hear them :)

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  5. The struggles to get where we want to be make us so much more appreciative in the long run. Here's to genuine happiness!

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  6. This makes my heart smile <3

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