Blah

Sunday, June 19, 2011
The blahs - do they ever go away? Mother's Day and Father's Day aren't necessarily our favorite holidays around here. It's as if my subconscious just takes over and puts me in one of my depressive moods. There doesn't even have to be a reason for it. It's just suddenly I realize I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to get on Facebook and see all the happy father's day status updates. DH doesn't seem to be taking it as hard as me. And honestly, I'm not covered up in bed with a half gallon of ice cream and Lifetime. I just have the blahs. It will be over tomorrow and I'll go on with whatever daily tasks I have for the day. I just hate that my body takes over and I can't stop it. I'm supposed to be happy today, aren't I? We're "expecting" again, right? Unfortunately, I have these horrible thoughts of never being chosen. No matter how hard I want to get into the idea of being "paper pregnant," my head just won't let me truly enjoy it. Does that even make sense?

I've noticed I'm starting to feel really run down. I'm just not as together as I normally am, or at least think I am. I've done nothing but throw myself into the grieving process over the past year and a half and then fight my way back out of it. It was my job to get through this and not let it win. Well, in doing so I'm just plain exhausted. I went back to work 3 weeks after we lost Josey and I haven't stopped since. I really need some time off. I actually need about a month off to get myself some real rest. Of course, that's a big fat impossibility. I am currently doing the work of 3 full-time positions, two of which hit the hardest during the summer. One of the positions is not being filled. Lucky me, it's all mine now. ;) So, that means no summer vacation for me, at least not for another month or so.

I have gotten a little rest today. I started this post in the morning and then took a nice long 3 hour nap. I'm thinking of curling up with my Kindle and getting lost in a good book for awhile. DH is out working on his old VW bus, so it's nice and quiet. I think I've decided to ignore the pleas from the laundry still sitting in a big pile in the middle of my bedroom floor. LOL

3 comments

  1. I hope that you get some rest and can relax a little. Thinking of you and hoping that the "blahs" let up, if not, there is nothing wrong with ice cream and lifetime ;)

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  2. I so understand that blah feeling and wanting to shut down. The past few months have taught me to slow down and embrace the solitude. Although I wish I could skip the anxiety part of it.
    So when you are sitting in your bed on a Sunday with lifetime...I am with you dear cousin.

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  3. I so understand that blah feeling and wanting to shut down. The past few months have taught me to slow down and embrace the solitude. Although I wish I could skip the anxiety part of it.
    So when you are sitting in your bed on a Sunday with lifetime...I am with you dear cousin.

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