Kentucky Rain

Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sometimes I like a nice, rainy day, but today isn't one of those days. It seems everywhere I turn there are people talking about how wonderful life is with their kids. How x years ago tonight they were in labor and now life is perfect. Don't get me wrong, they have every right to do so, but there's always that one person that does it that you swear the only reason she says anything is to just rub salt in the wound. Probably isn't, but that's how it feels.

I guess I'm just hurting a lot today. Nothing happened. No reason. Just hurts. I was asked yesterday if I had kids. I said no. I didn't want to make someone that barely knows me uncomfortable. Maybe that was the trigger? I've been a bit moody ever since. Of course, all the news lately hasn't helped either. A two year old was murdered after custody was given back to his mother. A mom drove three of her kids into the river. A woman killed a pregnant friend and took her baby. Two of these happened in my very own state. Where is the rhyme and reason in that? Things like that make it very hard for me to process the whole "things happen for a reason" debate. Why would God allow THAT? I guess you could make a case in my situation, albeit a bad one, but still a case could be made; however, there is no case to be made for those situations.

Anyway, let's change the subject. I'm depressing myself. Our first profile book arrived yesterday. I am so proud of it! It looks great. I only ordered one at first because I wanted to be sure everything would look good in the book format before I spent the money to order the rest. We are both very pleased with the final outcome. We can check that off our list now. We're going to go ahead and give it to our social worker just in case. :)

Hope everyone has a relaxing and restful weekend. Until next time...

3 comments

  1. Kerry,

    Once again, you took the words out of my mouth...I feel like there are a couple people in my day-to-day life who are fully aware of our losses and struggles, yet still chatter on and on about pregnancies, cute babies, and so-and-so and so-and-so who had an unplanned pregnancy and how that baby was the best thing that ever happened to them.

    It's hard to believe that people would say things to dig that hole in my heart a little deeper, but this one person in particular does this often.

    My favorite is " You wouldn't know, you don't have children". OUCH. That hurts.

    Hang in there...and thats awesome news that your book turned out so well!

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  2. I'm sorry you're having such a hard day. (((Hugs)))

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  3. I wish I had an answer for you. I, too, wonder all these things! I just want to stomp my feet and clench my fists and scream, "It's JUST NOT FAIR!"

    It's not fair, I don't understand it. But what I do know is that through this journey I am on, I have become a stronger person, a stronger Christian and a stronger mom (when it comes time!) This is the hardest part of our journey...

    Know you're not alone and that we all have felt those horrible awkward moments of silence after we're asked the dreaded, "Do you have kids?" Your mind goes to "no" but should I give anymore details... Now, my response, "No, we're in the process of adopting!"

    Thinking of you and hope you have a better day!!

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