So this is Christmas

Friday, December 24, 2010
"So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun...A very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, let's hope it's a good one, without any fear." ~John Lennon, Happy Christmas

For me, this year can't end soon enough. There's been too much heartache for one year. I will say that somehow we've managed to enjoy the holidays so far. There have been several nights I cried myself to sleep, but for some reason there's also been a peace in the house. Weird, huh?

Maybe it has to do with the people we have become because of the struggles we've faced this year. I like who we've become. I don't want to go back to who we were; although, I sure wish we didn't have to get here because of all the pain we've endured. I guess that's how it works though. I'm most proud of my husband. He truly has found his inner strength. It suits him.

Although the circumstances surrounding this Christmas and last Christmas are quite different, there are some things that are the same, just different. Last year, there was excitement and hope of a new life. This year, there is still excitement and hope of a new life, just in a different context. There's also the realization of just how precious life is and the realization that being a parent is a privilege, not an entitlement.

I spent a good portion of yesterday working on my part of our family history assignment. Part of the assignment is an in-depth history of my grandparents. While working through some of the questions, I remembered my grandmother sitting in the corner in her favorite chair, year after year at Christmas, always saying the same thing - "There's nothing like the pain of losing a child." (My uncle was killed when I was 2 or 3 in a car wreck the week before Christmas.)

Boy was she ever right. I wish now I could go back and just give her the biggest hug and say, "I know."  Until the day she died, she could tell you how many years, months it had been since he passed. It just never leaves you. Thankfully, she (like me) had/has a wonderful support group of family and friends. What would we do without you guys? :)

So, here's to learning from our past, accepting what we can't change and making the most of what we have.  Despite our losses and struggles this year, DH and I are truly blessed in so many ways. I hope this new year brings joy and happiness to all of us.

Happy Christmas Eve! I hope Santa is good to you this year!



  1. I have just caught up on this weeks post. Now I am have spent the last 15mins crying, lol.
    Everything happens for a reason keep remembering that. You needed the break through of the Cantata. I'm praying for a much better year for you all. Merry Christmas!

  2. I love what you said about liking who you've become, and how parenthood is a privilege.

    I hope that the last few days of 2010 are good to you, and that 2011 brings the fulfillment of your hopes. Whatever comes, I'm sure you'll get through it--I know that you and your husband are such strong people. But you have gone through so much already, I'm telling the universe that its your turn for a break. :)

  3. You got the tears flowing from my eyes with that post..Although this year has been much more manageable with my grief over losing Denise, I won't lie..I think about it daily during the holidays..But you are 100% right, being a parent is a privledge, not an entitlement. Another hard life lesson we must get through.

    May 2011 be a better year for all of us.