Most Hated Phrase of 2010

Tuesday, December 28, 2010
"I can't imagine," or any variation thereof. 

For example:

"I just can't imagine."
"I just don't know how you do it."
"I couldn't do it."
"How do you do it?"

Although well meaning, I've heard it more times than I care to hear. It's almost as if I chose to put myself through hell and back. "Oh, you're so strong. I just can't imagine. How do you do it?"

I would rather hear fingernails on a chalkboard, thank you. I do it because I have no choice. I do it because it's my life and I still have to get up, go to work, pay the bills, LIVE. I do it just as YOU would do it if it happened to you.

Who knew such innocent remarks can have such huge impacts? I've learned to avoid these types of statements, along with the ever popular, "Do you have kids? Why not? You're not getting any younger."

Sometimes I find myself giggling inside at the thought of what this person who keeps pressing me would do if I told them the truth? "Well, we got pregnant. I spent a month in the hospital. I swelled beyond recognition. My organs shut down. I gave birth to my daughter I would never meet. Then was told it was too dangerous to consider another pregnancy. That's why we don't have kids." Again, thank you.

Yes, maybe that's wrong to think like that sometimes, but I know my dear BLM's know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you ladies? LOL

All in all, I'm pretty used to it now. It's been close to 9 months. I can almost see it coming before it ever leaves their mouths. Ahh, the things you learn... 



  1. I'm glad you posted this. I hope I've never said any of those things to you, but I know I've thought them. I guess I haven't had to hear them, so I didn't realize how hurtful they could be. Thank you for being so honest.

    I am sorry that you have had to deal with these painful comments so often this past year. I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain of your loss, and the pain of dealing with people who don't know what to say.


  2. yup i totally agree. i swear there were days thats i was on the erge or hurting someone if i heard you are so strong i dont know how you do it one more time!

  3. I do know what you're talking about. Even though we have already been through so much, we have to built defenses about what well-meaning things people say to us too. I also hate "It was probably for the best". I want to ask the person to explain how my healthy baby dying was for the best.

  4. Great post... Yes, sometimes I too fantasize about telling them the truth about why I "don't" have any children. Although, I have been honest with some unlucky strangers purely to see how they would react and to teach them to mind their own business.

  5. I agree. I tell them the truth and it's "fun" to watch them stumble. Hopefully that will teach them not to ask people about the status of their ute or size of family

  6. my other most hated phrase I'd like to add...." Everything happens for a reason" or "Everything will work out the way it's supposed to"..Also well meaning, but what are you saying??? That my baby was supposed to die? I too bite my tongue and giggle inside when people throw well meaning cliches my way. They just don't know.

  7. Completely agree and I often think like that so yes I totally understand. If only people really understood and sometimes I think it would be so nice to answer their nosy questions honestly and see how they feel. Great post!

  8. Brie, yes! Those are horrible statements. Thankfully, I've only heard those a few times. I can remember at some point writing on my blog that I did not want to hear those words uttered to me under any circumstances, and whatdaya know? They didn't. This blogging sure can be good for something.

  9. Absolutely!! I would love to give a brutally honest answer at times. I have thought many times, I would love to have business cards to hand out to people before they even had a chance to speak!

  10. I love your post I have heard all the quotes for the last year and half like it all happens for a reason I dont see any reason why any of it happens I never wanted to lose both my parents in year and half. I know exactly what you are talking about and glad you said it. But one thing I do want to tell you is that you dont have to feel you will not be whole without a child, You have each other and your family that can be enough in life I never had children and Mike and I had a great relationship and I never felt empty for it I do have 3 daughters my nieces I am like their 2nd mother so I always had them. I do hope you get your adopted child because I know how much you want that. Have a great new year.