I'm THAT person

Sunday, December 19, 2010
Well, (big sigh), I have become THAT person. That woman. That man. It's me. What am I talking about? Let's go back a few years; 20 years should do.

Do you remember growing up in church as a kid, sitting in "big" church and passing notes on the church bulletin? Oh, those notes were life changing! They were so important that you just COULDN'T think about listening to the sermon. Then, while you and your friends are giggling about whatever gossip you've dreamed up, you look over and see them.

Those people that did listen. Those people that suddenly have tears streaming down their faces. And what do you do? You snicker, nudge and point and wonder, "What did they do?" or "Why could they be crying?" As a kid, pain and suffering isn't real. It's non-existent.

Tonight I became that person. My mom, aunt and sister went to our Christmas cantata. This year, three local churches combined their choirs for an amazing cantata. Mid-way through, the choirs began singing a song I myself had sung some 15 or 20 years ago in the youth choir. So, I was already feeling a little sentimental. Then, a lovely family (whom we love dearly) walked up with their two beautiful girls that they adopted from China a few years ago. They walked up to the middle of the stage and the dad held up a sign that said, "Prayed for a child."

Immediately my shoulders slumped and my body shook. I couldn't stop the tears. They just kept coming. Then, their girls held up a sign as well. More tears. More shoulders slumped. More shaking. The poor young girl beside me was probably terrified. My nine year old sister got up and went and sat in my Mom's lap, asking what was wrong with me. I was a blubbering mess. LOL It took me the rest of the cantata to straighten myself up and stop crying. I was so embarrassed.

We went to dinner after the cantata.  I told my mom, while laughing, how embarrassed I was at the time. She said, "Kerry, the whole thing was very touching." I apparently wasn't the only one in tears. (Oh and by the way, there were several others walking across the stage with various signs during the song.)

Anyway, I needed that tonight. I needed to see them with that sign. The past couple weeks I have really been grieving the loss of biological children. Seeing those girls and how happy they make their mom and dad really renewed my spirit. So glad I decided to go tonight.

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5 comments

  1. I had something similar happen a couple of months ago at a church service, I just started crying and couldn't stop. I haven't been able to go back since, it was just so hard.
    I definitely would have lost it too seeing that sign, sounds like it was a beautiful program.

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  2. Sounds beautiful. I am so glad that you felt your spirit renewed! <3

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  3. I totally can relate! To the remembrance of note-passing (and daydreaming) during the sermons as a kid and to the realization that during the last two Sundays of church I've actually listened to the sermon and they seem to have been directed specifically at me and our infertility struggles. I'm sure the people sitting around me two Sundays ago when the 'minute witness' talked about his wife's miscarriages and near-loss of IVF baby were thinking I'd totally lost it as I was crying all over the place during church. Oh well. The thing is: when you're in church, I think it's a pretty good bet that we're among people who, mostly, are compassionate (well, maybe not the 9 year olds) and understanding. Take care!

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  4. He knows every tear, He holds them precious, HE cares.... He is not embarrassed, HE is there with you.... sending you love and prayers and hugs today.

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  5. ((hugs)) i have had a few public griefbursts myself. grief is just so very hard. but nothing to be embarassed about. sounds like a very moving program.

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