Ouch

Thursday, September 16, 2010
Last night was a hard one. I hate when I seem to be rolling along, only to be blind sided, knocked down and kicked in the gut. It hit home that I should have a two month old getting ready to meet her baby cousin, but instead I'm waiting for her headstone to be put on her grave. My husband should be hanging out with his best friend, laughing and getting into trouble, but again, he's gone too. Relationships have been renewed and lost, and life keeps moving forward. I suddenly felt so alone. I just wanted DH and I to pack up and move far, far away - away from everyone that knows us or once knew us. I want a new life, a fresh start, but unfortunately or fortunately (who knows) that's not going to happen. Some days I'm just too tired to fight the fight. Some days I'd like to just curl up in bed, watch Lifetime movies and snuggle with my dog. (DH won't watch Lifetime with me. lol) In fact, I wish that is what I was doing today.

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3 comments

  1. I hear Edmond, Oklahoma is pretty nice. I think I know someone who loves watching lifetime too. :)

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  2. I know this feeling. The energy to fight the fight is just too much. That why I hate when people say I am strong... Im not strong, I am surviving. There is a stark difference.

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  3. I had one of those days yesterday. Out of my 3 pregnancies, 2 of my due dates were September, so this month has a history of being a bit harder to get through with a smile.

    I keep thinking, I should have a one year old to be chasing around. I shouldn't still be working my dead end job..But I am. And this is life as I know it. And I love my life and those in it, but some days, I want as far away from my reality as I can get.

    You've been through a tremendous amount of loss with both Josie and your husband's friend. It's understandable that you have days where you want to curl up. Hang in there.

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