One of those days

Saturday, July 10, 2010
It's been one of those days today. I don't know why. Nothing has happened. I've just spent the past hour in tears. I know I've said it before but grief is down right exhausting. Trying to appear put together and ok is a job all itself. I've decided that hell couldn't be much worse. If anyone begs to differ, just keep it to yourself because you have NO idea.

I'm sitting here fighting the urge to bake. When I'm sad or upset, that's what I like to do. Oh and then eat it. Brownies. Cakes. Cobblers. Pies. Cookies. You name it. But I'm trying to be better and break that habit. It's so not healthy. Hence, my blogging about it and trying to keep my mind doing something other than baking. We're going to the movies later. We've kind of made that our weekly thing. It's something to look forward to, it gets us out of the house and we enjoy it. Today is DH's pick. I'm not too interested in his choice of movie this time, but it's a fun date to just get out and about and Lord knows I need it today.

3 comments

  1. And here I was going to encourage you to bake...I have found that baking and crafting are good outlets for me when I am having less than stellar ( okay, downright aweful days...Diversion is a good friend of mine, but it doesn't always work. I hope your movie proves to be a good one.

    My heart goes out to you.

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  2. (((hugs))) (((hugs))) (((hugs)))

    grief is an exhausting tidal wave that seems to hit at the oddest of moments..... i too fell into a food fixated comfort (coke and chocolate!) and yes, i am now also convinced that earth is one step up from hell, not one step down from heaven.

    i'm so sorry today is a tough one. my prayer is that tomorrow will be of more comfort.... (((hugs)))

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  3. I definitely still had my really bad days after I thought I was okay again (especially on the weekend/saturday, there's a lot more time to think when you aren't distracted with work) and I think that just all of the energy of "being okay" all week long in order to survive work builds up too.

    The best news is that for me, as time passes, the bad days are fewer and fewer, with more time in between. The first month or so I went back to work it was *every* weekend, now they aren't even monthly. And before, the bad moments would last HOURS if not the full day...now my bad days are more like a bad hour.

    It always always sucks. The lingering sadness, the bitterness of not having our baby here with us, that always lingers. But the grief thing has gotten much easier with time. I hope it gets easier for you too. And I hope you have a wonderful date night.

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