Things and Stuff

Wednesday, June 02, 2010
My blood pressure is ridiculous.  I'm not doing so well weaning myself off the medication.  I was supposed to officially be off of it this week, but I haven't lowered my dosage because it's still high.  I'll be interested to see what the good doctor has to say next week.

Last night, while I was checking it, I noticed I always feel so defeated when it's not what it's supposed to be.  I felt the same way in the hospital.  It feels like I failed my spelling test. You know that feeling?  You work so hard and put so much effort into studying and then for some odd reason, it just didn't work for you.  I was always an A student (for the most part), so that feeling to me is miserable.  My nurses were my "teachers" saying "Oh, this is way too high.  You need to relax. Imagine yourself at the beach."  The only beach I could imagine with me on it was one where I was a big, fat beached whale.  Can't move.  Can't help myself or anyone around me.  Slowly dying.  Yeah, that really helped my blood pressure.

I started my mega doses of vitamins yesterday.  Whether or not we decide to take a chance and try again is yet to be determined, but if we do I need to prepare my body.  I can honestly say it won't be any time soon.  I'm still such a hot mess.  There is no way I could emotionally be ready for another baby, another pregnancy or anything of the sorts.  I have to get myself pulled together before we can even think about it. I need to get myself pulled together regardless.  It's taking too much out of me and everyone around me.  I try to kick myself in the butt and just get moving in hopes that will help, and sometimes it does, but sometimes I just crawl back in bed and pull the covers up over top me.

2 comments

  1. Those things are all normal. Month 1-4 was the hardest for me...5 and 6 really have been such a turn around. Hugs!

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  2. Keep your chin up! It will take time. Call or email me if you need anything. I'm always good for a story, :)

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