One Month Later

Thursday, May 06, 2010
Today is such a beautiful day to be such a tough week - Mother's Day and all. I think I'm doing okay. I still find time to cry at some point, usually in the mornings and evenings. Although lately, just in the evenings. It's been a few days since a breakdown, so I consider that good. The hardest part for me right now is trying to deal with everyday life again. Basically, getting back out in the public, talking to people and going places and being able to readjust to how my life has changed and accepting that others may not see that.

It's hard when people, whether it be acquaintances, friends, family, etc., would rather just ignore you than have to look you in the eye and even speak. And it's even worse when those people are close to you. I'm still me, maybe a little rattled, but it's still me. Maybe just being around me depresses them; I don't know. I do my best to stay very positive and upbeat around everyone. I may have my moments at home by myself, or with Shannon or Mom, but overall I try not to be "oh whoas me" around anyone.

I guess the point of this entry is a new acceptance for me - my new normal. lol I need to accept these things as a new part of my life and try not to dwell too much on them. Although it's only been a month and I'm still heartbroken, I do see the light ahead. Sometimes it shines brighter than others, but at least it's there.

I've read on other blogs that this happens in these types of situations. I won't lie and say it hasn't hurt my feelings. And I won't lie and say it hasn't hurt that some people I thought were friends never even bothered to check on me during all of this, but then others have come into my life and really made a difference. I guess it's always checks and balances and a big fat that's just life.

Anyway, here's to a beautiful day here in Kentucky. May the sun keeping shining on this old Kentucky home....(boy that was cheesy LOL)

9 comments

  1. I think sometimes people think they can "catch it". I know I've had pg friends avoid me since we lost Aidan. It's weird to see how people react to your tragedy.

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  2. I remember those days. I am 8 months into my journey and I still have days when I feel like people look at me in strange ways. For me, I just need to be me though. I try my best to let people know what I need from them and not to get offended when they disappoint me. It's a tough journey! It totally stinks, but you aren't walking this alone. There are so many of us out there hobbling alongside you.

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  3. i feel the same way... at 9 months (next tuesday) i still feel shoved into life and just put on my happy face because people just don't know what to say.... now i guess they just assume that i'm over it..... but really.... well.... (((hugs))) for you today

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  4. Sissy...that was totally cheesy! hahaha!!!! You can always make a trip to okc! :)

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  5. I lost friends too. I think they think it's contagious, and I have people who will never talk about it. Sad really because those events made me who I am now.Prayers for you. I lost one to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy followed by a loss at 17 weeks, 6 months later, 3 months after that I lost one at 6 weeks. This was in 2007 and I still cry sometimes. Just let it out when you need to.

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  6. I don't understand why people leave "us" to drown at times. Sorry you have to go through this too. Thinking of you.

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  7. I think those people fall into a couple of camps. 1) Yep they think they're going to 'catch' it (WTF!?) 2) They are scared of bringing the subject up because they don't know what to say 3) They're afraid of causing you more pain.

    When you're going out and 'getting on' with stuff does it feel like you're almost in a parallel universe? Like the scenery's the same but you're almost a 'visitor' with a whole new script?

    I think of you every day too. May that sun keep shining :)

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  8. Kerry, me again. I hope Sunday was a peaceful day - I thought of you and all the other mommies who may have found the commercialism of the day overwhelming - not to mention just the actual day. Sending you and all the other angel mommies big hugs. You are all moms x

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