Today

Wednesday, April 07, 2010
I've always heard bad things come in threes, I just never heard of that number being exponential. Our sweet baby girl didn't make it, and I'm still stuck in this hospital bed barely able to breathe from the swelling. But I also know there are a lot of other people out there hurting too. Fathers have passed on, jobs have been lost just to name a few. I'm so ready to GO HOME! When does it stop?

Today has been really really hard. Some of the physical pain has slowly started to subside, while leaving my emotional state really fragile. Well, let's just be honest - it's broken. I know many of you have asked about arrangements. We haven't been able to make any real plans since I'm still in the hospital and don't know when I'm coming home; however, Josey is at Northcutt & Son. We're planning on having a small, graveside memorial with family and close friends sometime after I get home. More than likely this will be next week sometime. I hope to know more about my condition tomorrow and then we'll let the funeral home know as well.

Please know that if we haven't answered your phone call or replied to your emails, it's not because we don't appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. WE SO DO. But for now, we just need some time for us and some time to process all of this and try to get myself well and get home.


18 comments

  1. My heart is with you today. I hope you physically feel better soon. A mother's torture also involves taking care of the body as well, and when you are feeling so sick from everything its so hard to do. Take it literally one day at a time. DONT worry about anyone but you and your family right now. No one can expect anything from you. It may help to hear their words for support but you dont need to do a thing for them. With time you will be able to talk. I wish I HAD better words for you, but all I can say is my heart is broken for Josey :( I had my whole family all of my friends praying for that sweet little baby...now we have all of our prayers on you and your recovery so you can go home soon and start to mentally heal.....May God bless you and Josey :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. I completely understand. You need to focus on you and don't worry about any one else. I hope that you can recover quickly so you can go home. I will pray for peace and strength to get through this trying time.

    ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  3. You need to worry about yourself at the moment - you have plenty to deal with between physical recovery and the grief. I wish it could have been different for you.

    When you're ready, there's supportive women at http://www.glowinthewoods.com/ who've been through losing a baby.

    Take it one at at time or one hour if that seems to much. Just keep breathing, that's all you need to do right now.

    We're all thinking of you and I'm so sorry Josey couldn't stay with you.

    Maddie x

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart bleeds for you.
    Take as much time as you all need to regroup.
    Just remember no matter what you need each other more than anything right now.
    If you need anything, please let me know.

    Praying for peace and comfort.
    Love you all,
    Maria

    ReplyDelete
  5. Im so sorry you have to go through this. It never gets better, it just gets different. You never feel great, just different, you just learn how to cope with this new found pain. All my thoughts are with you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am heartbroken right along with you. I also read your cousin Ashley's blog and this just breaks my heart. Annika and I have been saying prayers for you and little Josey every day and tonight before her bedtime as I rocked her I cried as we said a prayer for Josey, you, Nolan, Myles, and my big brother baby John. Also for all the other little miracles taken way too soon.

    Take all the time you need to for healing and getting your strength back. One day at a time and one step in front of the other. I can't say I understand your pain but I can pray that with time it gets better. Know Josey loves you both and she knows how hard you fought the fight to bring her into this world. She will always watch over you and help you through the rough days ahead.

    I will continue the prayers and and stay positive that you feel better soon.

    Take care and God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kerry take care of yourself. Everything else can wait and everyone will understand because they love you sweetie. I'm so sorry for yours and Shannon's loss. I am praying for you and I will keep Josey in my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am sending many thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time. I'm a friend of Ashley's and cannot even imagine what you and your family are going through. I am praying for strength and health for you.
    Prayers from Boston,
    Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Josey. The wall in my hospital room after the loss of my daughter (I guess it was a grief room) said "One day at a time"...that's really just what you do. One step, one minute at a time. Don't worry about other people, just be gentle with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bless your heart. May God wrap his hands around you and your family at this tough time!

    ReplyDelete
  11. *HUGS* I'm so sorry Josey couldn't stay with you. I follow you through Ashley's blog and wanted you to know I'm thinking about you during this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I want you to know that you are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for your comfort and strength.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I posted something for you on my blog www.angelbabynames.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Of course you're in my thoughts too. I don't even know you but I hate the thought of you being hurt in this way. Gosh I hope that you're physically well enough soon to get home. The privacy and comfort of being in your own space will help. I'm with Angie on the "one day at a time" - even hour by hour for now.

    Thinking of you and Josey >:D<

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It's so hard! I remember just wanting to go home after Raime was stillborn. I finally checked myself out against medical advice, I just couldn't be there one more minute.
    You're in my thoughts, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. It sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Best wishes for a speedy physical recovery, I'm sure mentally it will take some time.

    ReplyDelete