Day 19

Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm so tired of this roller coaster. I honestly can say I will never get on another one in my life. This has been enough for a lifetime.

Last night I thought it was all over. I was so sick. Sleep didn't come until 4 this morning. Tylenol wasn't working and my doctor wouldn't give me anything stronger because it could mask the actual symptoms of pre-e. He wanted to be sure. So, I had to endure. It wasn't the worst headache I've had. I've definitely had worse; however, it lasted almost 24 hours straight and that's never happened. Then, late this morning it was gone. From listening to bits and pieces from the nurses, as well as the doctors, they were expecting it anytime as well.

I had another u/s today to check my dopplers and more blood work as usual. Once again, nothing had significantly changed. I really do respect the doctors that are working with me. Dr. M looked at me and in not so many words said, I know this is hard because we can't give you a definitive answer as to when things are going to happen. All we can give you is what we see today.

They have me prepped for delivery, whether it be emergency or planned. They've covered their bases and sent us every doctor with every piece of data out there. Once they are able to do another u/s to check for growth then we'll likely know when the 'when' will be answered. Unfortunately, they can't check for growth until probably Monday. So we sit and wait until then or until something else changes. What happens if she has grown you ask? Then, we sit and wait some more. Do you see now why this roller coaster is driving us crazy? Yesterday it's over. Today we may have until Monday or so. And then, of course, if she hasn't grown or grown enough, then the situation is still the same as earlier and we have to go through everything all over again. Our nerves are completely shot.

10 comments

  1. I am so sorry, so sorry. I don't even know what to say.
    Still praying and praying!

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  2. This must be incrediably difficult for you. Hang in there. It sounds like there might still be some hope.

    Maddie x

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  3. I am so sorry! I wish things could change. I am still praying for a miracle!

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  4. K, I think it's amazing that you're still hanging in there - body and soul :) Of course your nerves are completely shot. Heck! You're getting mixed messages, mentally preparing for x day and outcome and then all of a sudden they're pulling the rug out and changing the goal posts again.

    I can't help but hold onto some hope. It sounds as though you're defying their expectations and as a result, they really don't know what's going to happen.

    Hang in there hon - know that there are an awful lot of people thinking of you x

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  5. Kerry, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how your life has been turned upside down. You are increidibly strong to have made it this far. Please know, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

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  6. Thoughts and prayers are with you - sending so much love and support.

    xoxo

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  7. I have been praying really hard for you both and asked my FB friends to pray for you and little Josie as well. Miracles can happen and I believe with all my heart that one can happen for you too.

    Our little miracle Annika is a true blessing for so many reasons and as i feed her every night we say a prayer for you and Josie.

    Stay positive and know you are stronger than you think you are right now.

    God Bless. Hugs

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  8. Honey, that is a lot to deal with! Keep praying and hang in there. We are all praying for you all the time! You've had a lot of ups and downs. Hopefully there will be more ups ahead!

    Love you all!
    Kim and Marty

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  9. Kerry, I don't know if you remember me, but I use to work with your Mom, and she means a lot to me. You and little Josie are in our thoughts and prayers every day. Our whole church, Lower Rock Lick in Fleming County, is praying for you and your family. My daughter, Jessica, had pre-e, and was on total bedrest for weeks, and we didn't know what each day or each test would bring. Through the grace of God, she made it to 37 weeks, and Kyle is now 3. We know a little what you are going through, though her pre-e was not as severe as yours. Doctors are wonderful, and God gives them great knowledge, but HE IS IN CONTROL!!!! JUST KEEP BELIEVING AND TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

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  10. Hang in there!
    Every extra day is more hope to cling to!
    Let it continue to increase your faith, not to question. God is sustaining you & lil Josey!!
    No desires of our heart come without a great cost to us, but what blessings they turn into!

    I am still praying and believing for you!!

    Love, Hugs, & Prayers,
    Maria

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