Day 15

Saturday, March 27, 2010
I guess I'm in a holding pattern. Last night was miserable. My bp went up and I had to have an iv. I still have it today and I guess I'll keep it. My doctor is gone on vacation this week. It's spring break here in Lex. So, I'm under the care of the PDC docs, which have basically been taking care of me too. I suppose one of them will be in today. Sleep didn't come until around 1 and then only at 2 and 3 hour intervals because the nurses had to keep coming in to check on me.

I really have no idea what today, tomorrow or this week will bring. I was told once yesterday it was pretty hopeless and then told again they were going to give me steroids tomorrow anyway. I am numb. I had prepared myself for the worst and had started to accept it the best I could. Now I've got a possible week of yesterdays to go through again this upcoming week. The hardest thing is knowing more than likely nothing will change, but then there's always that hope that you're wrong. The only chance I have is another possible week to see if she's grown. If I don't get that, then there's nothing that can be done and if I do and she hasn't grown then there's still nothing that can be done. Last week I was told I didn't have a week, but really I guess no one knows.

10 comments

  1. Hang in there sweetie! I know its hard I was in the same boat with Sara-Grace. She maybe is just going to be a little baby. They dont know and the steriods will help with lung development for her and little girls do really well not sure why, but our nurse we had when Christopher was in the Neonatal Intensive care unit said baby girls do so much better than baby boys. I love you and am praying. I was in the hospital for 14 days with Sara-Grace before I delivered. Ihope this gives you something to hold on to. I know every person's situation is different but it helps when you know that your not going through this alone there are others out there that has lived this uncertain time.

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  2. Becoming numb is part of it unfortunately. It just comes with the territory. It's the detachment from everything that will give you the focus you need. I know it sounds strange to everyone around you except those who have been through this. It's been interesting to me to read your blog and see all the women who post on it who have had PE and HELLP Syndrome. I had always felt alone because I didn't know anyone who had it. Kerry keep your head down and tunnel through. Focus on the positive things that you can. It may be difficult sometimes but you can do anything just look how far you've already come. Try and get some rest sweetie. I will pray that you have an uneventful and peaceful day.

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  3. We are parying and thinking of you, Kerry.

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  4. Kerry, I honestly know just how scary and uppsy-downsy this all seems but all I can focus on right now for you is that you're still pregnant with your precious little Josey - which means that she still has a chance... and you're still coherent enough to post which means you're hanging in there :)

    Tomorrow is steroids day. That in itself is an enormous milestone because that means that they DO think she has a chance :) And to reiterate - Josey is a girl. When I was in hospital with PE the neonatal team asked me if we were having a boy or a girl... and when I said boy they said "Oh, that's a shame" - that's how much the gender difference apparently does matter.

    Like lots of other 'random strangers' I'll continue to hope and pray for you and your little precious. Hugs.

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  5. Hang in there. While there's still hope, there's still hope.

    I've also heard from a number of places that girls do much better in the NICU than boys.

    Maddie x

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  6. Your right...Hope! Thats a great word! There is always hope to hold onto! Im so sorry you are experiencing this...you will get through this :)

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  7. Hang in there Kerry....We are all praying for you and Josey. We have prayed for Sun and steriods and you are there, now we will pray that the steriods help Josey and your blood pressure stays in check. God says all things are possible through him...he has a plan we don't know what it is or when it will happen but try to keep your head up and hang in there.
    Love and prayers
    Rhonda

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  8. i'm praying for you and your precious little girl.

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  9. kerry....my heart hurts for you! you and shannon are on my mind daily! i think about u all day and only send u best wishes!! u r strong and will pull through! i don't have the right words, but just know that we all care soooo much! hang in there!! we love you!!

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  10. Shannon,

    I am so thankful for your willingness to blog and bless others with your life and it's stress.

    I continue to hold your family up in prayer.

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